you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
