after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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