help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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