Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
