Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
