roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
