no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sarcasm needs its own font
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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