is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
