Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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