I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
