um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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