PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
