Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
