Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
