So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
