Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
