Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I am morally bankrupt
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
