that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is the high leading the old right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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