I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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