Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
