Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
