Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
