Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
