i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
