I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
