I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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