Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
