Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
