You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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