You made me cry and you don't even care
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
