She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
