We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
