she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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