walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
