I think my fart just growled at me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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