I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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