She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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