this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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