She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
