Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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