YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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