Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
