thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
