I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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