Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
