i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
