Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
