Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
