Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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