im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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